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projects
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Projects is an ongoing series of exhibitions in which artists execute installations and actions in the house to be viewed via the internet each month and sometimes in person.
PROJECTS 2001: DECEMBER
Brian Storts and Co.
Hallmark Holiday: HO HO HO
Santa Clausicus Intoxicatidium
In other words, the study of human beings and their interactions and behavior when introduced to a very drunk and pathological Santa Claus.
| Ingredients: | |
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1. |
Find one very large friend who has a fondness for liquor. |
| 2. |
Persuade him by noting that there will be many beautiful women eager to sit on his lap. |
| 3. |
After he agrees, wrap an entire room in Christmas themed wrapping paper; walls only. |
| 4. |
Create an environment that Macy's New York would be honored to call their own.Total cost at this point: $350. |
| 5. |
Rent an authentic Santa Claus costume and remember to read the fine print on the rental agreement. Cost of costume rental: $75. (contingent on the safe return and compliance of the agreed contract.) |
| 6. |
Emphasize over and over again to your willing Santa participant, the details of the costume rentalŐs contractional agreement: "That stupid Santa costume I've rented will cost a buttload more if you ruin it." *Expect that your Santa stand-in will ignore the above disclaimer. |
| 7. |
If your Santa requires food, feed him immediately. Nourishment inspires drinking longevity. |
| 8. |
Go to liquor store and purchase all ingredients necessary to concoct something that resembles punch or sangria. Total cost: $125. |
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9. |
Beer for Santa: $75. |
| 10. |
Total cost before Santa starts to drink and guests arrive: $950. |
| 11. |
Total balance in my bank account: Holy Shit (Resort to patheticus credi cardicus.) |
| 12. |
Additional materials needed for successful Santa include 10 packs of Polaroid film and 5 DVD cassette tapes. Total cost: $150 |
| 13. |
Now that everything is completely not the way it should be, and Santa Claus is at the controls, you may begin. |
| 14. |
As I mentioned earlier regarding the rental costume, my Santa did not behave responsibly. He danced through a bowl of sangria, sat in his own gravy and shoveled a very large pork burrito into his mouth, most of which ended up on his fur collar. As a result, the total cost for the Santa Claus costume: $595. |
| 15. |
Grand Total: $2320. |
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Brian Storts is a San Francisco based artist, that is currently investigating American Hallmark Holidays that includes Ho Ho Ho. Other recent works include private dinners for strangers in their homes.
See more of his work at:
Recent articles include a spread in the SF Examiner, titled On with the Show, by Anne Crump..
